I really have no clue about my life right now. Everything seems hazy and uncertain, there's so much doubt in everything now I'm getting confused too. I have been short tempered lately.. sorry if i vented it out on you, i really am, but i honestly regret doing that. I know you meant well, your intentions were good, yet I'm too myopic to see them. I'm sorry.
Sometimes all i want is just someone to tell my problems to without any comments. Someone who'd say yes when i say yes. Someone who'd say 1+1 = 3 because i told you so. Just for that moment, at least, i need someone who's on my side, and not constantly telling me how wrong/ flawed i am, when that's what i need to hear least. I may be wrong, but you may not be right too, right? All i know is everything will be right if you're on my side, trust.

Its not that I'm perfect. I know i'm far from being perfect. But despite these imperfections i think my life is perfect the way it is already. I'm blessed with good health, good family, some reliable friends here and there, and yeah... Technically I should be contented with my life. But why am i not?

School sucks. I hate school i hate school. Sometimes I really regret but what can i do. It seems that most of us have changed after being in sec sch. (Some) friends are not forever, as proven time and again. (or is it because of my expectations?) If its fated that we part now then so be it. We can't defy that right. I guess this whole new experience is something i have to get used to. I can't possibly be sentimental and stupid to hold on to the pieces of glass when the vase is already broken. I'd end up hurting myself for nothing.

Every time I want someone to talk to to confide in i can't. I guess life is a lone walk down after all. I must learn to stop relying on others and be more independent. I feel kinda disappointed with certain people i guess. But then again maybe its just a taste of my own medicine. I know I haven't been a really good friend myself. So what rights do i have to lament about these. I know its really ironic to expect much when sometimes i can't live up to the expectations of others. But I will try harder (until i get sick of trying) to make it all better. If time permits maybe i would have tried harder in previous friendships, and cherish the people i have more. But i guess there's no point regretting now, and all i can do is look ahead and try to salvage them all.

I am no pop star, no wonder woman, no Mother Teresa. I'm just a typical human being, born flawed to this flawed world. I can't be everyone's favourite person, nor can i be one who is hate-free. I know there are people who dislike me, but i guess its only my fault too. One thing's for sure, Ive never hated them. If you (don't know me and) hate me, its really fine you know. That's because maybe the way I've portrayed myself may not be to your liking. But truth is you don't even know me and are just making presumptuous comments based on what you see. I guess that's human nature after all. If you only have a few pieces of the jigsaw puzzle how can you see the whole picture? I must admit though, I gossip, I talk about people, but before you say I'm hypocritical, ask yourself. Who doesn't? Even if you're not saying anything when your group of friends are gossiping, you're still participating in it, and the fact that you didn't stand up for the victim of the gossip shows that you agree with them right. Its just karma. You talk about me, i talk about you. And frankly, I really don't mind them as long as I have people who'd stick by me thick or thin.

A fragment of the boliao stuff i'm thinking.
too much.